


Sweet, sweet, sweet

by Esinde Nayrall (red_squared)



Series: The Scorching One [11]
Category: Good Omens - Gaiman & Pratchett, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bestiality, Bondage, Crossover, Foursome - M/M/M/M, M/M, Rimming, Threesome - M/M/M, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-03-27
Updated: 2007-03-27
Packaged: 2017-10-03 21:21:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/red_squared/pseuds/Esinde%20Nayrall
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aziraphale has an out of body experience. Again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sweet, sweet, sweet

**Author's Note:**

  * For [shaggydogstail](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shaggydogstail/gifts).



> Written for the superbly stacked [](http://shaggydogstail.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://shaggydogstail.livejournal.com/)**shaggydogstail**, on the occasion of her (extremely belated) birthday.  
> Originally posted [**here**](http://comtesse-sin.livejournal.com/48862.html).

_If I agree to what comes next_  
_I would be faking with the best of them_  
_ It seems a crime I would commit_  
_ Without the difference of all the world's gifts_

_Sweet, sweet, sweet… Could you taste it?_

("Taste it" – From INXS's "Welcome to Wherever You Are")

~~*~~

"Just keep it steady, Sirius."

"I'm having enough trouble steering as it is, and you – Hey! You zip me back up right now! I'm - "

"Freezing? Is that what you were going to say? Perhaps you could steer the bike closer to the ground then, hmm? No need to circle up here above the clouds."

"It's _faster_ this way, Remus, we haven't all bloody – Don't do that! Tuck me back in!"

"Sssh, it's okay, you Disillusioned the bike, didn't you? Nobody's going to see us. You don't honestly think for one moment I'd let anybody else catch sight of you like - "

"_That is not the point_! The point is that there is a reason that I wear trousers instead of my robes when I'm on the bike, that reason being that it is _freezing_, and - "

"Down onto the road, Sirius, that's right."

"_And_ it is not very much warmer down here than it was up there, particularly not when I am _hanging out_ of my - _fuck_!"

"Is that better? Or perhaps I should take my gloves off first?"

"Nnngh."

"There. Is _that_ better? I think you must have been exaggerating, actually. You feel rather warm to the touch just here."

"Remus Lupin, you twisted, perverted, deviant - "

"Yes, Sirius, because I haven't seen you all week and God forbid that I - "

"I didn't know you were going to molest me as soon as we were out the door!"

"We've got that stupid engagement party tonight, and then we have breakfast with the two families in the morning, and if you think I am going to get through all of that before I've even said 'hello' to you properly, then you are barking mad. And I _said_ we should have bloody Apparated, but oh no, _you_ were the one that insisted on meeting me with the bloody bike, and -"

"Don't call him that! He can _hear_ you. This traffic is ridiculous – it's going to take us forever to get to - "

"Turn left here. Just here, quickly."

"Stop _pulling_ at my – Remus, this is a dead end, you stupid - "

"No, it's a shortcut. Keep going straight. There're some bollards up ahead, but your bike should be able to jump those when we get to them."

"Are you sure? We've never come this way before. How do I know you – stop _doing_ that! Just keep your fingers still!"

"Ssh, relax, you'll love this, I promise."

"How do I know you're not luring me into a dark alley so you can have your wicked way with me?"

"You don't. Anyway, I can have my wicked way with you anytime I want. _Trust_ me, just… That way! Follow that pushbike."

"Remus, this is a _pedestrian_ arcade, and there are people everywhere, and - "

"_Sirius_. For the last time, did you or did you not Disillusion the damn bike?"

"…"

"I'm sorry, I didn't catch that. Would you care to repeat it?"

"No."

"All right then."

"But Moony, I can't steer properly if you keep – "

"There's hardly any steering required. Just keep going the same way that – Oh, my God! Sirius, look out for that - "

  
****CRASH****

~*~

"Yes, I _know_ all about your luck, but logic suggests that if the shop was here the last time you came by this way, then it should still be here now."

"Oh honestly, Angel, how many times do I have to go over this with you? Just because your bookshop has been in the same spot since 1742 _does not mean_ that everybody else's shop has been as well."

"So you're trying to tell me that _termites_ can build nests that stay in the one place for decades, but that _human beings_ are capable of moving a shop in the seven years since – "

"I'm not trying to tell you anything about termites, I'm simply saying – Oh, blast, this is no good. Let's try down here."

"Down whe- You don't mean on the other side of those bollards?"

"Heh. What bollards?"

"You really ought to pay more attention to where you vanish those things, you know. Besides, you can't drive down here – it's a _pedestrian_ arcade and there are – Here, that's odd."

"What's odd?"

"Up ahead – see how thickly packed the crowd is?"

"Angel, I am having enough trouble moving humans out of my way so that I don't - "

"There's no need to take that tone with me. Up ahead, just along that side street, even though the crowd is really thickly packed, there's a little space with nobody in it."

"All right, so it's a pit or an uncovered manhole of some kind, what's the big - Hey! There it is! That's the shop I told you about, see, with the - "

"All right, just mind the pushbike, would y– You know, it almost looks as though that patch of nothing is coming this way."

"Almost looks as though _what _is coming this – "

  
****CRASH****

~~*~~

"I don't see why I should have to leave. I _like_ it here."

Remus glared at Sirius – at Sirius' body, really – in frustration before exchanging an irritated look with Crowley.

The debris from the accident has been cleared away, and they've requisitioned a small shop – one selling baby clothes, by the look of things – to regroup in. He's not sure what Crowley said to the other patrons – or, for that matter, the owner – to get them to clear out and leave them in peace but it was certainly persuasive, whatever it was.

Unfortunately, Crowley's persuasive powers don't seem to be having any effect on his partner. _Unfortunate_, because Aziraphale's consciousness has taken up residence in Sirius' body. And they've yet to discover where Sirius' consciousness has got to.

"For God's sa- For Heaven's – For _fuck's_ sake, Angel! We are not going through this again! Get back into your own body," Crowley added, giving the rapidly cooling cadaver clad in a camel-hair coat an ineffectual kick.

_Maybe Sirius was just knocked unconscious by the accident,_ he hopes fervently. Sirius was seated in front of him, after all. _He'll probably come 'round any minute. _ He doesn't want to think about where Sirius' consciousness could have gone if it isn't in Sirius' body.

"I don't see why - " Sirius' body starts to respond, before Remus interrupts.

"Wait," he says, realising something. "You mean this has happened _before_?"

"Once," Crowley concedes grudgingly, somehow managing to look even _more_ irritated at Aziraphale.

"We agreed not to speak about The Unpleasantness," Sirius' body says snippily. "It's part of the New Arrangement. Anyway - "

"If this has happened before," he points out reasonably, as both Crowley and Sirius turn to glare at him, "why can't we just do whatever was done to fix it the last time?"

"Because I happen to _like_ this body," Sirius' body insists petulantly. "I don't see why I should have to leave it just because - "

"It's my boyfriend's body," he replies testily.

"Yes," Aziraphale concedes, before going on to say, "but he hasn't said I can't have it, has he?"

"Suppose it's only fair to see what he thinks of it before reaching any sort of final decision," Crowley hisses sarcastically.

"Don't take that tone with me, I'm only going to _ask_. Besides. You've no idea what it's like, since you've always had the better body. I don't see why I should get stuck with having to choose from the dregs our lot end up with. Even that one I was getting about in before was one of the nicest ones they had available, and _look_ at it! It's already going grey, and it's so _squishy_, and - "

"I keep telling you Angel, it's nothing to do with me. We just have a better selection to choose from because more good looking people tend to end up in Hell. We get the mad artists and the licentious musicians and you get, well, you know, Mother Teresa, the popes – actually most of the clergy, for that matter, and - "

"Not that one in the fifteenth century!"

"What, His Holiness Excruciating Torment the First? No, I'll grant you that, but even so, in the main Hell ends up with - "

He tries to remain calm, but he can feel his expression slip into shocked surprise. _I didn't really just hear that, did I? I **can't **have_…

"What did you just say?" he asks, hoping that he doesn't sound strangled.

"Oh dear," Sirius' body says, looking troubled, "I suppose I'd better explain."

~~*~~

"…right, all right, _fine_," Sirius says, once he's apprised of the situation.

To Remus' enormous relief, Sirius' consciousness remained inside his own body – now it is only a matter of getting the angel to leave it. Sirius seems to be taking this much more calmly than Remus ever would if the same thing happened to him.

After all, it's not everyday that you're in an accident with an angel and a demon driving a vintage Bentley through a pedestrian arcade that results in the angel inhabiting your body. Particularly since he's never been clear on the extent to which Sirius has believed in or even known about angels, demons, God and all the rest.

"That's all very well," Sirius continues, "but that doesn't explain what's happened to my bike. _Where_ is my bike?"

"It… Sirius, perhaps you should sit down for this," he says cautiously, wanting to reach out and touch Sirius but without having Aziraphale feel it. "It… It was a pretty bad accident, all right? There was an explosion, and quite a lot of debris – but we're pretty sure that we've found all of the, you know, all of the bits – and you were knocked out, and - "

"_He_ was knocked out?" Aziraphale says, sounding amused. "_I_ was knocked right out of my body."

"You don't sound very upset about it," Crowley says sourly, hissing all of the sibilants. "Look, for the last time - "

"I _like_ this body," Aziraphale whines. "Now when we go out together, people might actually look at _me_ for a change."

"What the He- What do you care whether they look at you or not? And I keep _telling_ you, it's not my fault. It's just that Hell happens to have a better selection." Crowley shrugs disingenuously. "This wasn't even one of the best ones that they had. You know, if you were to switch sides at all - "

"Don't even think about it, you old Serpent! And don't try to tell me that - "

" – that good looking people on average are more sinful than ordinary looking people? You _know_ it's true."

"Well. Be that as it may. _This_ particular body isn't a bit sinful at all."

"He used to play all sorts of vicious pranks when we were younger," Remus interjects, feeling that he _must_ say something before the angel and the demon take the decision out of his and Sirius' hands.

"Youthful high spirits," Sirius' body – and it is becoming more and more difficult to tell whether the cut-glass, highly-educated English voice coming from those lips is Sirius' or Aziraphale's – says quickly.

"Ran away from home. Er… He dishonoured his father." He's fairly sure that's on one of the lists of 'shalt nots' that were hammered into his head when he was much younger.

"No good," Crowley says, "they made an exception for - "

" – for appalling fathers," Aziraphale finishes a little too eagerly. "Yes, the Elizabeth Tudor Precedent. So it really depends on what his father was like when he - "

"All right, all right. What about the fact that he's _queer_?" Sirius shoots him a hurt look as Remus wishes for the eighteenth time that it were possible to have this discussion with Aziraphale and without Sirius. "And not just 'oh, I'm not that keen on girls, thanks' queer or like one of your repressed celibate priests," he continues, trying very hard not to actually look at Sirius as he says 'celibate', "but takes-it-up-the-clacker-twice-a-day queer?"

Sir- _Aziraphale_ and Crowley look at one another before glancing away very quickly.

"Oh come _on_," he explodes, taking in Crowley's slightly guilty look. "You can't tell me that there's any sort of precedent or exception for - "

"You were the one that mentioned the 'repressed celibate priests'," Crowley says, with a faintly hysterical edge to his voice. "Anyway, I hardly think you need go further than the fact that he was steering a motorcycle _in public_ with his – you know – his _bits_ hanging about untidily all over the place."

"NOBODY WAS SUPPOSED TO SEE THAT," Sirius roars.

Even though the noise makes Remus flinch, he's grateful that Sirius is starting to exhibit something approaching a _normal_ reaction to the situation at hand.

"Oh, I see. Nobody was supposed to see your, you know, at all, but it's _my_ fault that I drove into an invisible motorcycle?"

"Your car had no business being in that arcade! It was strictly for pedestrians," Sirius snaps back haughtily.

"Right," Crowley says, sounding unimpressed. "So I was supposed to have seen your bike. But not your bits."

Sirius turns brilliant red before muttering, "It wasn't my idea."

"See?" Aziraphale says. "This is exactly what I was talking about before. There isn't a sinful - "

"He's a wizard," Remus continues, exhaustedly making his way down a long mental list. "Comes from a long line of pureblood wizards. Can't be having with that, can you? Weren't you all for burning witches and so on?"

"Yes, but he ran away from home, didn't he?" Aziraphale points out quickly. "So from what you've just said about his family, the dishonouring of his - "

"Yes, yes, I get the idea. All right, what about - "

"Besides which - "

"Do _not_ try to tell me that there is an exception for witches," he grits out testily.

"Not an exception, as such," Crowley says, looking embarrassed. It's an odd expression for him. Remus has never seen anybody with cheekbones as sharp as Crowley's actually look sheepish.

"More of a mistranslation," Aziraphale continues, taking over smoothly. "You see, the original Aramaic for 'witch', if altered by a flyspeck, turns into the word for 'liquorice' and, as it turns out - "

"A lot of dirty flies were about when the manuscript was copied out?" he asks, feeling his temper start to catch up to the conversation.

"When it was dictated, actually," Crowley says. "So you see - "

"I don't know why you're on his side," Remus says, addressing himself to Crowley. "I thought you wanted him back in his old body?"

"I want a lot of things. Right at the top of the list would be for The Unpleasantness to never have happened, followed by magical sunglasses that allow me to see invisible motorcycles, followed by - "

"You'd best get used to the idea that this is what I look like now," Aziraphale says, smugness starting to creep into his voice once more.

"He hasn't actually agreed to it, yet. Anyway. You don't mean to say that the others will let you get about in a body like that while they're stuck looking like, like - "

"Like what?" Aziraphale challenges.

"Like Pope Pious the Fourteen Millionth?" A flicker of doubt crosses Sirius' face. "That's what I thought," Crowley continues. "You'll be lucky if you're not divested of your new body and stuffed back into your old one."

"Rubbish," Aziraphale says, his voice betraying his uncertainty. "I'm their only field agent – particularly in light of The Unpleasantess – and - "

"You don't think you'll be allowed to keep a body like that using sweet reason, do you? Logic, not exactly your lot's strong point, is it? I'd wager my Bentley – yes, you heard me – I'd wager my Bentley that you can try to get about looking like that, you may even get away with it for a while, but that On the Sixth Day, you'll be back in that," Crowley continues, gesturing to Aziraphale's old body with his head, "and they'll award the new one to the Metatron. For Services Rendered in the Name of Our - "

"Hang on just a minute!" he says quickly, before they can get too carried away. "What happens to Sirius, then?"

"Who?"

"ME!" Sirius shouts. "For fuck's sake, you'd think my brain'd occasionally have access to my own mouth, considering that it's _my_ body and all."

"I wouldn't try that on with the Metatron," Crowley says dryly. "Or with Saint Peter – Now _there's_ a prime example of a Services Rendered who's been stuck in the same body for nearly two thousand years, and still hasn't - "

"I'll take my chances," Aziraphale says quickly.

"Not with my boyfriend's body, you won't," Remus says fiercely.

"You don't _understand_ what it's like, stuck in the same, stale flesh for centuries on end. I'd really only be borrowing him, you'd still have visiting rights."

"You should come over to our side, then," Crowley says once again. Aziraphale-as-Sirius glares at him.

"I wish," Aziraphale says, "that you'd stop with that argument! Beautiful people aren't naturally more sinful than - "

"If he's so pure then," Crowley hisses back, "you're defiling his body by being in it, what with your theft, and your coveting of another man's - "

"It's not theft if he agrees to it!"

"I'm not agreeing to anything!" Sirius says determinedly, before anybody else can open their mouth.

"You won't even notice that I'm here," Aziraphale wheedles.

"Not notice that you're - _You want to take over my body completely!_"

"Only…er…_borrow_ it, really. Anyway. You'd have visiting rights – we could work something out, I'm sure."

"No! I was here first."

He leaves them to bicker, desperately trying to think of a way that he can speak with Sirius without the angel being able to hear them. A stunning spell is out of the question – he might knock out Sirius instead of the angel. He also has a sneaking suspicion that it would take more than one wizard to stupefy an angel – especially since he _knows_ that it takes four to stupefy a dragon.

_Perhaps a Dementor, then? Not to actually go through with it, but just as a threat. _ But no. That wouldn't work either, and for the same reasons – he couldn't be sure that it would target the angel and not Sirius.

"Sirius? He can feel what you feel, can't he?" Perhaps he can spell words out on Sirius' skin?

"Yes he can!" Sirius snaps before Aziraphale has a chance to speak. "He was talking with my mouth before!"

"Well if he can feel what your boy can feel," Crowley says, leaning forward and looking vaguely interested, "it shouldn't be too hard to get him out. Low pain threshold, he wouldn't be able to stand it for long, and then he'd - "

"_No,_" he says, frowning when Crowley looks at him in surprise. "If we torture him, then Sirius will be able to…" He stops, pausing to think as something occurs to him. "Sirius will be able to feel it too."

Crowley raises his eyebrows in surprise as Remus walks over to him, drawing him away from Sirius.

"He said he could stay in Sirius' body because of its un-sinfulness," he says in a low voice. "So, what are the rules, exactly? Can we make _Sirius_ do something that would cause Aziraphale to vacate?"

"What exactly do you have in mind?" Crowley asks slowly. "Have you thought of something?"

"Perhaps," he replies, gesturing that they should stand a little further away so that he can explain, while at the same time trying to ignore the worried expression on Sirius' face. "But first I need to know that he'll keep his word if we come to an arrangement – visiting rights and all. And secondly, I need you to tell me just _exactly_ what you can and cannot do if - "

~~*~~

"…agree that you can continue to reside in Sirius' body as long as he gets visiting rights eight times a month or twice a week – whichever is more. And for a full day each time – I don't care how busy you are thwarting Crowley's wiles – _and_ those eight days don't include full moon nights which are non-negotiable," he adds, praying that Sirius has worked out what he's up to, or will at least play along until he _does_ work it out.

"You're plotting something," Aziraphale says, before Sirius can reply. "Don't think I don't know. I'd like to hear what _he_ thinks, if that's all right by you."

"Sirius?" he says softly, stepping up behind Sirius and wrapping his arms around him. "What do you think?"

He lifts up the hem of Sirius' shirt and works his fingers under it to stroke Sirius' belly, hoping that Sirius understands the message he's trying to give him now – he's the only person who knows that Sirius, like Padfoot, likes having his belly rubbed. _I **know** you_, he wants to say out loud. _I know you like **this**, don't I? You'd trust me to know what was best for you, wouldn't you?_

"It sounds all right so far," Sirius says slowly, relaxing back against Remus and placing one of his hands over Remus'. "But those aren't your only conditions are they? I mean visiting rights is all very well and good, but he's not allowed to interfere in anything I want to do, or say anything to interrupt me, or - "

"I don't think that would be a problem," Aziraphale cuts in eagerly.

"Well, you'd better give it a bit of thought," Crowley points out. "The longer you're outside the body you were assigned, the harder it'll be to get you back into it. You've seen how they rot when there isn't soul to drive them. Wouldn't want to be in your…er…shoes when you're ordered to explain why you let a perfectly good body go green just because you - "

"I _said_ it wouldn't be a problem," Aziraphale says archly.

"Well, we'd like you to be certain," Sirius says. "Since you won't easily be able to change your mind later on, and I really don't fancy going with you to explain to the Meta-whatsit why you should have another body before you get around to deciding what's to be done with mine!"

"So this is all right with you, then?" Aziraphale asks.

"Fine by me, as long as you agree to the rules," Sirius says. He's still leaning back into Remus, but he's nowhere near as relaxed as he was a moment ago.

"Oh, I accept," Aziraphale says happily. "You know, I never _dreamed_ I'd find a good looking body like this – so pure in thought and deed – and now I - "

"See, now, that's the thing," Remus says quickly, pleased that Aziraphale has raised the point. "Pure in thought, sure, but in _deed_…well, no, not in deed, so much."

"Yes, you said already," Aziraphale says impatiently. "Pranks, running away from home, and - "

" – taking it up the clacker twice a day," he finishes for the angel, pausing to drop a reassuring kiss onto Sirius' neck to take the sting out of his words. "Yes, about that. It's a bit more than just - "

"Yes, yes," Aziraphale says quickly, before giving a discreet cough. "I'm sure we all get the idea."

_And to think, I never dreamed I'd come across anybody more prudish than you, Sirius._

"Well, like Anthony said, we'd like you to be certain. And it _is_ a bit more than what I mentioned earlier."

"I'm sure whatever it may be is perfectly acceptable," Aziraphale says stiffly. "I'm quite convinced that - "

"Angel would you _please_ just think it over before you - "

"I am _quite_ convinced that I can agree to your rules," Aziraphale continues, ignoring Crowley completely. "There isn't a sinful bone in this boy's body," he adds in satisfied tones.

"Well, not at the moment, no," he says, deciding that words alone aren't going to settle this, and pausing to give Sirius' neck another kiss while he braces himself to take the next step. _Sorry pet. I'll make it up to you later. Promise._ "When I have my fingers up him though, well, that's rather a lot of sinful bones."

There is a moment of perfect, if strained, silence.

"Do you mean to say - " Aziraphale starts to ask, before trailing off into a thoughtful silence.

"And that's not all," Sirius says – and if he in fact _hasn't_ worked out what Remus' ploy is, he's doing a convincing impression of having done so. "You wouldn't believe some the dirty things he thinks up."

"You love it, though," he says, contriving to sound hurt. "I can't think of anything I've come up with that you've actually refused to do. Or let me do to you."

"Mmm," Sirius murmurs in agreement as Remus once again kisses his neck, lingeringly this time. "So you were right when you said I'd never had an impure thought. Don't need to, see. That's what Remus is for." Remus gives emphasis to Sirius' words by sliding his hand past the waistband of Sirius' trousers, and gently cupping Sirius' groin, taking up from where he left off before the accident. "You wouldn't believe some of the things he comes up with," Sirius says with a happy sigh, rubbing himself against Remus' fingers. "You wouldn't _believe_ some of the things he asks me to do."

"I might," Crowley says, sounding interested.

"There's no need for - " Aziraphale starts to say before cutting off as Sirius starts to harden. "What on Earth…"

"Difficult to think properly when that happens," Sirius says, sounding apologetic.

"Particularly for an angel," Crowley says, sounding far too amused. "I'm fairly certain they're not allowed to have erections."

"Then we'd better get rid of it before I hand you over to Aziraphale," Remus offers, squeezing Sirius gently and smiling to himself as he feels the other boy respond. "I've one or two ideas."

"Do you, now," Sirius whispers, slowly pushing up into his hand. "Should take my trousers off first, don't you think?"

"I think so," Crowley replies. It's hard to tell, what with the sunglasses and all, but Crowley _definitely_ looks interested. "If there's any chance of getting more of your lot to join our ranks by offering nicer bodies, I'll have to take careful notes on what we're up against, won't I Angel?"

"I can't…" Sirius says, before gripping Remus' hand tighter. "I need to sit down if you're going to keep doing that."

"You'll need more than that," he says lightly, while giving Sirius' belly another reassuring rub. "Just so Aziraphale knows what he's in for, in future. _Accio_ baby blankets!"

An entire shelf's worth of pale, pastel blankets – blue for boys, pink for girls, yellow for not sure and green for miscellaneous – flies towards them, thudding onto the floor in a heap.

"Come here, you," he says warmly, turning Sirius around to face him and kissing him soundly. "Can't blame you for not wanting to leave, Aziraphale. He's perfect. Exactly the right height, gorgeous dark hair that always behaves itself," he says, brushing his fingers through it.

Sirius smiles at him.

"He's also got the sweetest smile in the world. Perhaps you should see it for yourself," he suggests, summoning one of the mirrors off the back of a change-room door. "See?" he continues, using his left hand to direct Aziraphale towards the mirror and using his right hand to trace Sirius' smile.

Sirius opens his mouth and licks Remus' finger, before leaning in for another kiss. Remus catches his face with both hands and pulls him close.

"This mouth just here," he says again, as they pull apart. "You might look at it and think that it's exactly right for kissing – and it is _very_ good for kissing, and biting, for that matter – but what it was _actually_ made for," he says, removing his hands from Sirius' face and resting them on Sirius' shoulders, "is something quite different."

Sirius goes to his knees before Remus applies any pressure to his shoulders, and he releases a sigh of relief he wasn't aware he was holding in. He's on incredibly thin ice, here. If he doesn't push far enough, Aziraphale won't leave Sirius' body. If he pushes too far, he'll hurt Sirius.

He can remember back when they were still at school, when James – as Head Boy – had his own room, and Remus – as Seventh Year Prefect – did as well. Sirius and Peter were left to share the Gryffindor Seventh Year Boys' dorm, but Peter would often try to kick Sirius out so that he could be alone with his girlfriend – first Bronwyn, and then Marlene – and Sirius would usually let him so that he'd have an excuse to sleep in Remus' room.

They'd shagged like rabbits for most of the year, safe behind the password protected portal of his room. It was one night in particular… he can't remember what it was he was trying to do, but Sirius was insisting that Remus put it away, come to bed and fuck him. And for some unfathomable reason, he'd asked Sirius to wait and when Sirius started to sulk, he'd called him an 'eager little hussy'…

…and Sirius hadn't spoken to him for the rest of the day, and hadn't let Remus touch him for a whole day after that, which – back when they'd been fucking anywhere from four to seven times a day – had nearly killed him.

"If you're trying to tell yourself he won't do this very often," he tells Aziraphale, choosing his words carefully, as Sirius opens his jeans, "you'd be wrong. Most of the time, I don't even need to _ask_," he outright lies, as Sirius slips his jeans down and presses a kiss to the tip of his cock. "Loves doing it, isn't that right?"

Sirius gives him a very steady look, but swipes his tongue over the head of Remus' cock as he does so.

"How…" Aziraphale starts to say, before pausing. Sirius lifts his fingers to work Remus' cock while his mouth is otherwise occupied. "How often are we talking, exactly?"

"How often is too often?" Sirius asks. "Once a month? Once a week? Once a day?"

"Once a _day_?"

"Often enough," he says quickly, before he can get too wrapped up in a happy fantasy of Sirius going down on him once a day. _Mmm…_ "Often enough that he can do it with his eyes closed. Can't you?"

Sirius raises an enquiring eyebrow, but doesn't question him out loud, instead choosing to close his eyes without another word.

"_Velare_," he says softly, conjuring a blindfold over Sirius' eyes and trying to keep from apologising for it out loud.

It had been Crowley's suggestion, actually. Angels didn't need eyes to see anymore than demons did, although they'd both come to rely on them over time – in Aziraphale's case, out of habit and in Crowley's case, out of laziness. Nevertheless, Aziraphale in Sirius' body can still take in visual stimuli without any ocular function.

Sirius, on the other hand, can not, which – he hopes – will make Sirius much more sensitive to other forms of stimuli. In particular, forms of stimuli that the angel will ignore, because the angel will still rely on visual cues.

Positioning his cock at Sirius' mouth with one hand, he uses his other hand to cup the side of Sirius' face, tracing a heart and then the letter 'U' on Sirius' cheek with his thumb.

_Love you._

Sirius scrapes him gently with his teeth, before reaching forward to steady himself and tracing the letter 'U' and the number '2' on Remus' thigh.

_You too._

"Can I… You know. Before the fun starts," Crowley says, taking off his sunglasses at last. "I really don't think it's fair that the angel gets to have sex with that body before I do. I'm a _demon_, for fuck's sake. I have a reputation to maintain."

"Well it's no good standing over there, is it?" he says, rushing his lines because it is much, _much_ to cruel to be expected to talk or even think when Sirius' mouth is mere millimetres away from his cock. "I can't do anything about it unless - "

"Now hang on just one minute!" Aziraphale snaps, pushing away from Remus' body and turning Sirius' blindfolded face around to face Crowley. "Visiting rights is one thing, but I never agreed to… to enter into _relations_ with a serpent!"

"You agreed not to interfere or get in the way or whatever it was you actually said," Remus points out sharply. "And as for you," he continues, turning to Crowley, "if you want to join in, you'd better get over here now, because I'm not waiting forever."

"Both of you at… At the same time?" Aziraphale asks, as Crowley starts to walk over to them and removes his clothes at the same time.

"We do this all the time," he lies smoothly. "Remember that time in Rouen, Sirius?"

It might just be in his head, but Sirius seems to visibly relax.

It's not because they got up to anything particularly kinky when they were in Rouen. Quite the opposite, actually. Rouen, in the summer between their sixth and seventh year, was where Sirius lost his virginity in the most vanilla-fashion possible.

"Yes," Sirius says, bringing him back to reality. "The odd thing about it, though," Sirius continues, keeping his voice remarkably controlled, "was that I ought to have been frightened. Nervous, at least. And I can't recall that I was."

Which is patently untrue. Still, he's relieved that Sirius has got the message he was trying to send – _trust me, I know what I'm doing_ – and suspects that he himself might even know what Sirius is trying to tell him.

"Can't see why you think you should have been scared," he says warmly, reaching forward to touch Sirius' cheek. "Not frightened of anything, are you?"

"If there is, I haven't come across it yet," Sirius says, with a cocky grin.

_Good,_ he thinks, massively relieved. As much trouble as Sirius' bravado has caused in the past – not just for Remus, not just for the two of them, not even just for the Marauders, but for almost all of Gryffindor House – there is a part of him that adores the fact that Sirius will never admit he is frightened of anything.

"You'll probably enjoy yourself too, Aziraphale," Remus says, trying to keep his voice light. Crowley's reached them now, and is reaching forward to remove Sirius' jacket. "And if not, well… You'll just have to get used to it."

He releases Sirius' face and kneels next to his boyfriend. As much as he'd love to have Sirius sucking his cock, this isn't about him getting off – it's about them getting rid of Aziraphale. Reaching for Sirius' face with his other hand, he pulls Sirius closer – slowly and carefully so that the other boy doesn't overbalance – and kisses him.

"Kneel up a bit, so Anthony can remove your trousers," Remus says softly, rubbing at Sirius' face absently with one hand. "And then I thought we'd get you to lie back so that he can have a proper look at what you've got to offer, hmm? Er…Anthony, don't you want to remove your shoes?"

"What shoes?"

Remus is about to respond, but then Crowley does something with his hand that rips Sirius' trousers away before Sirius can sit up properly. When Remus looks at them closely, they don't seem to be torn or anything. And then he remembers who – what – he's dealing with, and shoves his curiosity to one side.

"Onto your back, there you go," Crowley says, before realising that Sirius can't see what he's doing and needs to be helped onto the blankets.

"Got you," Remus murmurs, catching Sirius around the waist and easing him down gently. "All right there?"

"Get on with it, you big girl," Sirius says, quirking one side of his mouth up in a smile. "I'm sure Aziraphale has other things he needs to do tonight."

"I wasn't talking to you," he lies, stroking Sirius' hair in what he hopes is a soothing manner. _Probably best to get it over and done with as quickly as possible._ He's really not keen to include Crolwey in this, though – he's not sure that he's comfortable with the idea of Crowley touching Sirius at all, in fact.

"Yes, are you all right in there, _Angel_?" Crowley asks, with sarcastic solicitude.

Without waiting for an answer, Crowley climbs onto Sirius and straddles his hips before leaning forward to give Sirius' throat an experimental lick.

_Holy sweet **fuck**_!

All inclinations of jealousy are chased out of his head when Sirius twists, grinding up and against Crowley. Remus removes his hand from Sirius' hair and uses it to give his own cock the urgent attention it demands.

_What I would give for a pair of omnioculars, right now…_ he thinks to himself, watching as Crowley trails one hand down Sirius' body. Wrapping his fingers around Sirius' cock, Crowley gives it a couple of quick, hard strokes, before lifting himself off and settling between Sirius' legs. _Wonder what I'd look like with black hair_.

"Angel? You all right in there?"

"I'm… You know," Aziraphale says, sounding faint. "I'm not certain all of this is really necessary."

"Not necessary?" Remus says, giving himself another squeeze.

"Must you really do that when you address me?" Aziraphale asks, sounding put upon.

"Of course it's _necessary_," Remus continues, as though the angel hasn't spoken at all. "It would be like… Like…" He struggles to come up with a good analogy, because the sensation of his own fingers on his cock, and the sight of Crowley with Sirius, makes coherent thinking much too difficult. "It would be like owning a Stradivarius, but keeping it in a showcase without ever learning to play it."

"Lupin you deviant, are you wanking?" Sirius asks gasping out each word. "I'm pretty sure it doesn't count as a threesome if one of the participants only ever touches _himself_."

"Never you mind me," Remus replies, returning his free hand to Sirius' hair. "Aren't you supposed to be letting Anthony check you out?" Shuffling closer on his knees, he rubs at one of Sirius' legs. "Lift up so he can see you properly."

Sirius takes a deep breath, then lifts his legs up so that his knees are almost tucked up under his chin.

"See?" Remus continues, trying to ignore the way Sirius is shuddering. _It's only tension, from holding himself like that._ "Made for fucking. You couldn't possibly see that and _not_ want to fuck him."

"Fingers first?" Crowley asks, looking up at Remus. "Or don't I need to bother with - "

"Fingers first! Lick them until they're wet, and then - "

Crowley frowns at him. "Seems unnecessarily convoluted. Instead of wetting my fingers and then working them inside him to make _him_ wet, why don't I just - "

"Don't you even _think_ about - " Aziraphale starts to say, before Crowley grins and then lowers his mouth onto Sirius' arse. "Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"

Sirius does that odd half-twisting, half-bucking thing again – Remus has never really seen it before from this angle. Normally he's on top of Sirius, or is positioned where Crowley is now when Sirius starts to thrash about like that. Sirius' grip on his legs falters and his left leg almost comes crashing down on top of Crowley's head before he catches it and pulls it back.

"Remus? Remus?!" Sirius calls out, searching for him blindly. "Help! My legs, I can't - "

"It's all right, I'm here," he says, reluctantly letting go of his cock and scrambling over to Sirius to help him keep his legs out of Crowley's way. "Much too long, aren't they?" he says affectionately, stroking Sirius' shin. "If they were shorter, you wouldn't have so much trouble holding them up, and - "

"And you'd be - _ah!_ – taller than me, wouldn't you?"

"Well, it couldn't hurt," he says with a smile. When he realises that Sirius won't be able to see him smiling, he leans forward and presses his lips to Sirius'.

"Thought you said my mouth wasn't made for kissing?" Sirius says, giving him that quirky half smile again. "You shouldn't be wanking off in - _fuck_, his _tongue_ is like… "

"Good, is it?"

"It's _forked_," Aziraphale snaps at him. "Untrustworthy Serpent, with his – oh _God_…nnnnnngh…"

"_As I was saying_," Sirius continues, once they've both caught their breath, "Remus, you shouldn't be wanking off in the corner by yourself. Not when you could be having my mouth."

"I've a better idea," Crowley says. Remus twists around so he can look back at him. "Why don't you swap places with me? That way, you can see to him properly, while I do _this_."

Remus has always envied the way Sirius – and Peter and James – can shift seemingly effortlessly into their Animagus forms without any biting or shrieking or breaking of bones.

All of which is nothing compared to the way Crowley transforms. One second, Crowley is crouching naked next to Sirius, and the next, there is a seven foot long, slender, black snake starting to slither up onto Sirius' belly.

Remus quickly lets Sirius' legs fall to the floor, before moving up and off him.

"You all right, Sirius?" he asks, wondering what Crowley is up to, and hoping that it isn't what he thinks it is.

"What's happening?" Sirius asks, in a breathless whisper, going still as Crowley starts to loop himself around one of Sirius' legs.

"Nothing to worry about," Crowley says cheerfully – and the ease of his transformation is _nothing_ compared to that fact that he can clearly still _talk_ while transformed. "Always wanted to try this."

"Stop this at once," Aziraphale snaps. "You're frightening the boy."

Remus is about to say the same thing when Crowley says, "He doesn't sound frightened to _me_. It seems to _me_ that _you're_ the one that's about to lose your nerve."

"How perfectly ridiculous! Anybody can see that - "

"I though you said you wouldn't interfere?"

"Sirius, are you all right?" Remus asks again, cutting over Crowley and Aziraphale's bickering. "It's okay if you want to stop."

"I am _not_ all right," Sirius says fiercely. "I thought he told you to fuck me? Get back here right now!"

It's then that Remus realises that Sirius actually _wants_ him to participate. For whatever reason – whether it's because he wants to feel Remus against him, or because if Remus is fucking him then Crowley can't, or because if Remus is fucking him then Sirius can ignore whatever Crowley does.

"Okay," Remus says stupidly, trying to keep up. He stretches out over Sirius, keeping himself off Sirius' body so that they don't crush Crowley between them. "Okay," he says again, before positioning his cock and wordlessly casting the charm that will ease his entry.

"Of course, if _you're_ concerned," Crowley continues blithely on, still addressing Aziraphale, "you should certainly feel free to get out of the poor boy's body and back into your own."

As he says this, Crowley winds around both of the places where Sirius' legs join his body, before looping around Sirius' waist, forming a slender, caressing girdle. And as if they've practiced it, Crowley coils tightly around Sirius' cock and squeezes just as Remus pushes into Sirius.

"It's up to you, really," Crowley points out, adjusting himself to compensate for Sirius' flailing.

"I've got you," Remus murmurs, grabbing for one of Sirius' hands. Sirius gives him a tired, half-grin as they wind their fingers together. "You're not going anywhere," he babbles nonsensically, before licking at Sirius' mouth.

"Urrgh! I ask again: is that really _necessary_?"

"Are you interfering?" Crowley says at once. "You wouldn't do that, would you Angel?"

"Might not be necessary," Sirius says, with one of his rapturous smiles, making Remus want to lick him all over again, "but it feels fucking fan- _Fuck_, Moony, what is he _doing_ to me?"

Remus levers himself up more and looks between their bodies to see what Crowley is up to, and finds that the demon is still coiled and pulsing all around Sirius' prick and looped around his groin. Just then, however, Crowley's tongue flickers out, falling like quick, pink, lightning strikes all over the tip of Sirius' cock.

"He's licking you," Remus tells Sirius, completely forgetting to try to say it sexily because he is so captivated by what Crowley is doing to his boyfriend. "He's… Can you feel that? The way he tightens around you like that? He's all black, and shiny and I can see bits of you where his coils don't quite meet and…" He stops what he's saying so that he can go back to kissing Sirius. "You're so _pretty_."

Sirius smiles and wraps his arms tight around Remus, pulling him closer. "Then fuck me _more_," Sirius whispers, and Remus realises that he's stopped what he was doing to see what _Crowley_ was doing, and fuck, but there are one too many people involved right now for him to keep track of anything.

And it's then that he realises that Aziraphale seems to have gone quiet once more, and they can't have that. If they don't get the angel back into his own body tonight, they'll have a hell of a time shifting him into whatever else it is the angel's masters deem suitable for his activities.

"Tell you what," he says, regretfully disengaging himself from Sirius' body for the second time in the same hour. "Why don't I have your mouth, like you offered before, and we let Anthony have the rest of you?"

"The rest of…" Aziraphale starts to say, sounding uncertain.

"The rest of Sirius," Remus continues, as though it's all settled. And it is, really. Aziraphale's agreement, or lack of it, is entirely irrelevant and the sooner the angel understands that, the better.

_Might not be enough for it to happen **sooner**. Really need for it to be **now**._

"Anthony already has his cock," he says, turning to look over his shoulder as Crowley continues to flicker his tongue over Sirius' prick, teasing the tiny slit at the top. "And his balls." Sirius gasps and shifts slightly as Crowley flexes around him once more. "But there's still a good three or four feet of Anthony left. I though we'd let Anthony fuck Sirius' arse. See how much of himself he can stuff in there," he adds lightly, ignoring the expression on Crowley's face, which – despite Crowley being in the form of a serpent – clearly says 'you want me to stuff my _what_ where?'. "You up for that, pet?"

Sirius' response is far more spectacular than Aziraphale's. He somehow manages to buck Remus _off_ his body and deliver a ringing slap to Remus' face, even though he still has Crowley tangling up his legs.

"You can't - !" Sirius says, shuddering. "That - Moony?"

It seems like ages before he can bring himself to reply. He's not surprised at the reaction – Sirius always responds violently when he's frightened. Rather, he's surprised that it's taken this long.

"It wasn't him," Crowley says, shifting back to human-shaped and fully clothed once more without apparent effort. "That was our dear, kind Angel." Remus looks at Crowley uncertainly. "You don't think your boy could have thrown you off and still found your face to slap you while blindfolded like that, do you?"

"Can someone take this off me, please?" Sirius asks in an oddly quiet voice.

"Get out of there, Angel. You've shown you can't play nicely," Crowley says, turning and frowning at Sirius. The blindfold around Sirius' eyes vanishes. "Come _on_, Angel!"

"Yes, all right, there's no need to shout!" For a wonder, the words aren't coming from Sirius' lips, but from Aziraphale's original body.

"No need to sh- ! Well, I certainly hope you're happy with yourself. The shop's probably closed by now, and I really wanted to - "

"Don't _yell_ at me! You know, you could have been just a _little_ bit more supportive tonight, instead of conspiring with - "

"Remus, are you all right?" Sirius asks again, this time from right beside Remus. When Remus turns to face him, Sirius strokes Remus' cheek gently, brushing his lips over the slap mark.

"You're not angry with me?"

"Angry with – Are you… I didn't know what he was going to do. All I could do was feel you and… and Anthony. And then when you said… _that_, about him having the rest of me… It was like I was shoved into a corner as _he_ took over my body and hit you and I couldn't… I couldn't do anything to stop it. It wasn't me that hit you, Remus, it wasn't _me_." Sirius pushes him back onto the blankets and climbs on top of him, raining kisses down onto his face. "If you hadn't tricked him, I'd have stayed shoved in that corner for the rest of my life. Of course I'm not _angry_ with you."

"Right," he says, relieved. "Were you…" Were you scared, is what he wants to ask, but there's no point because he'll never get a straight answer out of Sirius. "Are you all right?" he asks instead.

"Mmm," Sirius murmurs, nuzzling into him. "Did he really turn into a snake? A _real_ snake?"

"Yeah," he breathes. When he sees the expression on Sirius' face, though, he adds, "He was a very _clean_ snake, you know. I wouldn't have let you be fucked by a dirty snake that had crawled in off the street."

"Can't tell where they've been before," Sirius grins, looking over to where Crowley and Aziraphale are arguing with another.

Remus isn't really listening to what they're saying – Sirius has his full attention – but he can catch snatches of their sniping.

_"…never let me do anything that's really fun, I was going to suggest having a trial of the body for a day or so. A week at the most, but **you** with your - " _

"I am sorry, though," he says, kissing the top of Sirius' head.

"What on earth do you have to be sorry about? None of what happened was your fault."

"Well, if I'd been on time meeting you at the station, or if I hadn't made you take that shortcut or if - "

"Oh for – You really do work at finding things to blame yourself with, don't you?"

_"At least this way we don't have to file an official report – imagine **that**, Angel! Let's just sort the two of them out, put their bike back together and get **on** with it, hmm?" _

_"It isn't that simple! You said we'd collected all the pieces, but I can't find the engine or the ignition anywhere, and besides which - "_

"Yes, but if I hadn't asked you to take that shortc- "

"No more talking," Sirius says firmly, reaching between their bodies and taking hold of Remus' cock, which – in spite of everything else – has remained hard, and is unspeakably grateful for the attention that Sirius' fingers are lavishing on it.

_" – thing at a time. Probably should set the shop to rights first, and then bring back all of those patrons you chased out with your - " _

_"Yes, yes, yes, all **right**. I'll take care of that if you go and fetch the wretched bike."_

"Here," he says, reaching for Sirius so that he can return the favour, "let me do you."

"No need," Sirius says brightly, giving him a quick smile. "Went away all by itself."

He bites his lip guiltily, feeling awful that Sirius was frightened into losing his erection. "Oh, Sirius. I'm sorr- "

"I _said_ no more _talking_," Sirius says sternly, pinching the tip of his cock reproachfully.

_"Tartan? **Again?** How many times must we have this - "_

_"It's still stylish, and if it bothers you so much why don't you just - "_

"I wonder what the time is," Sirius says, glancing around the room. "Prongs is going to kill me for being late to his engagement dinner."

"Prongs will forgive you. _Evans_ will ki- _nnnnnnnnngh_, oh, do that again."

"What do you suppose they're up to over there?" Sirius asks, nodding over towards Crowley and Aziraphale, who seem to be having a conversation that involves lots of whispering and hissing and arm waving. "He _is_ very good looking, isn't he?"

Remus suppresses a jet of jealous fury as Sirius looks wistfully at Crowley, and is relieved that Sirius was blindfolded the whole time the three of them were trying to have sex, because it means that Sirius never actually saw the demon naked.

"Er... Right...," Aziraphale says, coming over to them. "Sorry about... You know. No hard feelings and all th- " he starts to say, but drifts off in the face of Sirius' glare. "Right. Yes. Look. When I click my fingers, you will fall asleep, and have a lovely dream about... about ponies, and then - "

"Oh, for fuck's sake, get out of the way," Crowley says impatiently. "Look," he says, turning to them, "it's fairly standard procedure. Neither of you will remember any of this. But _first_, when _I_ snap my fingers, you will both come harder than you ever have before in your life, and _then_..."

~~*~~

"You all right there, Sirius?"

Sirius turns to face him, still frowning slightly. "Fine," he replies. "Well, not really. Just waiting for the other shoe to drop."

"Evans?"

"Yeah," Sirius replies, his frown intensifying somewhat. "She's been nothing but pleasant for most of the night, despite going off at us for being late when we arrived."

"We weren't late. Prongs probably got her to see sense after a bit. Anyway. I've said goodnight to both of them from the both of us," Remus continues. "We should probably head off before she changes her mind and decides to scream at us after all."

"She's not going see us off?"

"She's trying to send the wait staff on their way. That fellow with the sunglasses seemed to be particularly difficult to shake off."

"Prongs will see to him if he annoys her too much. If there's anything left of him after Evans - "

"All right, all right, enough of that. It's been a long week. Lets go home now, and we can make up with the happy couple properly at tomorrow's breakfast, hmm?"

"I can't _believe_ we got roped into that stupid breakfast on top of everything else. I haven't seen you all week, and now we - "

"It's just tomorrow morning, and then we'll only have ourselves for the rest of the weekend."

"I should bloody well think so. You know, just because they're getting married doesn't mean the entire bloody world revolves around – Yes, what is it?"

"Your motorbike, sir?" A plump, blond man in a valet's waistcoat holds up a set of keys and looks at Sirius expectantly.

"I didn't bring my motor- " Sirius starts to say, before his eyes latch onto the motorbike that is purring away happily next to the valet. "Why is he making that _noise_?"

"That… Er, that's his engine… Isn't it?" the valet says, blushing slightly.

"Yes, of course," Remus says, before Sirius completely confuses the Muggle. "Thanks very much, we can take it from here."

"But Oscar's never _had_ an engine, Moony. Or… Or _tartan _ \- "

"Look, here," Remus says, twisting the motorbike to one side, and pointing to the writing etched onto the side. "That's Alphard's signature, isn't it?"

Sirius' Uncle Alphard had bought the bike for Sirius when Sirius was in sixth year. Sirius had been too young to Apparate or drive a car legally and so Alphard had purchased a motorbike from a Muggle scrap heap and charmed it to move like a normal motorbike. Sirius had later charmed it to fly, but because he was underage and still at Hogwarts, Alphard had etched his magical signature onto the side of the bike so that the Ministry would bring any complaints to him rather than to Sirius.

"I don't… This is Oscar, all right, but he's been vandalised!"

"I don't think fitting it - "

"Him."

" - _him_ with an engine really counts as vandalism, Sirius."

"I don't care. He's been interfered with."

"Oh, for God's - "

"Don't take that tone with me. I want an explanation! Where did that valet get – Aha!"

He rolls his eyes, waiting next to the motorcycle as Sirius strides off determindley. The plump valet is chatting with the waiter in the sunglasses, who - it suddenly occurs to him - is extremely good looking. And the both of them are looking far too interested in Sirius.

He's about to follow after Sirius, but their discussion obviously hasn't taken long, and Sirius is already walking back to him.

"Well?"

"Says it was always like that," Sirius says,sounding vague. "I must just have not seen where to turn the engine on. He doesn't look any different to before."

"Apart from the tartan upholstery?"

"The what?" Sirius asks, as he climbs onto motorcycle.

He's about to reply and then decides that he doesn't care. It's been a week since he was last able to put his hands on Sirius _properly_, and he's not prepared to get into a debate about tartan versus black leather when he could have Sirius to himself for a few hours.

"Never mind," he says, climbing on behind Sirius. "You've Disillusioned the bike, haven't you?"

"Not while the Mugges are watching," Sirius says, doing whatever it is that needs to be done to make the motorcycle go. "I'll activate the charm once we're around the corner."

He wraps his arms around Sirius waist and presses forward and into him, waiting until they're out of sight of the waiter and the valet. As soon as they're around the corner, Sirius activates not just the Disillusionment charm, but also the Levitation charm, steering the motorcycle up into the air.

"Right. _Now_," he says, letting his hands trail down Sirius' body and causing Sirius to nearly drop the handlebars in surprise. "Just keep it steady, Sirius."

"I'm having enough trouble steering as it is, and you – Hey! You zip me back up right now! I'm - "

"Freezing? Is that what you were going to say? Perhaps you could steer the bike closer to the ground then, hmm? No need to circle up here above the clouds."

"It's _faster_ this way, Remus, we haven't all bloody – Don't do that! Tuck me back in!"

"Sssh, it's okay, you Disillusioned the bike, didn't you? Nobody's going to see us. You don't honestly think for one moment I'd let anybody else catch sight of you like - "

"_That is not the point_! The point is that there is a reason that I wear trousers instead of my robes when I'm on the bike, that reason being that it is _freezing_, and - "

"Oh, honestly, Sirius. What's the worst thing that could happen?"

"..."

"Sirius?"

"I'm thinking about it!"

"All right, all right. But while you're thinking about it, why don't I - "

"Hey, Moony?"

"Mmm?"

"Have you ever thought about dyeing your hair black?"

**Author's Note:**

> All comments and kudos are appreciated and treasured -- even (especially?) on a fic as old as this one!


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